What Not To Say To A Bride + Groom PT 2!

Dear bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents, neighbors, and strangers. This is part 2 of what not to say to a bride and groom. If you haven’t read PT 2, do that here!

NO. 2 “All decisions are made final by the bride”

This might come as a shock to some. I mean, the bride is the one who’s been dreaming of this day since she was twelve right? She’s been pinning for years so shouldn’t she be the one to call the shots?

I am a firm believer that the wedding day is just as much of the groom’s as it is the brides. And I don’t believe it is a competition either. The wedding day is a celebration of the two becoming one. The bride isn’t the only one getting married, the groom is too! Your wedding day is a beautiful act of togetherness, don’t discredit that by giving the bride all the reigns.

I feel the groom gets left out a lot of the time. Sure, he might not be concerned about the color of the table clothes or what flowers to pick for table centerpieces, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be involved. To be completely honest, without Joel’s involvement in our wedding day, I would have been an absolute wreck and it would have been half the day it was. For one, I simply didn’t have the mental, physical or emotional capacity to do it on my own (even if deep down I thought I did). Secondly, I didn’t always have the best ideas and sometimes my requests were simply unrealistic.

The day before our wedding I panicked about how we were going to seat everyone inside for dinner. My dream was to have everyone eat outside, but two obstacles stood in my way.

1. It was forecasted to thunderstorm

2. There was no room big enough in the venue to fit everyone

I was panicking, but I just had to drop it. I was due to be at the hotel with my bridesmaids and I didn’t have time to come up with a plan B. My only option was to leave it to Joel. With the help of our incredible friends, the entire inside of the venue was decorated and set up perfectly. Yes, the tables were in separate rooms and yes, it may have looked different than it did in my head and on my Pinterest board, but it really was so much better than what I could have done on my own.

Turns out it didn’t rain at all and we had sunshine all day! HOWEVER, the garden where we planned to have dinner was infested with devil mosquitos. Several people got severely bitten in the evening and Joel’s aunt got bitten so bad she had to go to the hospital for antibiotics. This was so terrible but imagine the chaos if we carried on with plan A and had all 200 guests sitting out in this garden. If I would have had my way, I would have probably risked the rain and had everyone sit outside. Joel, being way more practical and able to see more clearly than me under pressure, made the decision and ended up saving hundreds of people from horrible bug bites. Ha!

So, brides, your fiancé might not be the most DIY savvy or maybe he is but he doesn’t have an ounce of creativity in his body. Either way, I promise you he has something to contribute. Work together to find what that is and trust each other to make your dreams a reality. It will be a collaboration and a celebration of you both rather than a one (wo)man show. ;)

A small piece of advice…

If you’re a groom who doesn’t want to be involved in hours of scrolling Pinterest and all you really care about is your bride being happy, I say, well on ya! One way you can still be involved is to ask your bride to present you with 3 options for everything. 3 photographers to choose from. 3 flower arrangements for the ceremony. 3 bands. 3 different table layouts. 3 wedding cake flavors. This will help you not feel overwhelmed with the endless options all while still allowing your opinion to be heard. She will enjoy scrolling the internet and chat through ideas with her girlfriends and you will still be making the final decision together. Thanks to my 2018 bride, Katy, for sharing this piece of advice with me!

My friend, Claire, also shared with me how she and her fiancé are planning their wedding…